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Archive for March, 2009

Meditation

Can you let go using these stress management techniques?

Some time ago there was a loud knock on my front door. It was an angry neighbour complaining that I had parked in his space (even though that space was on a public street which he did not own). I calmly agreed to move my car and then asked him the question:

Why are you so angry?

This made him even more angry! The more I refused accept the conflict he wanted, the angrier he became until he threatened to hit me. As he was a Karate expert I decided to gracefully back away!

My neighbours anger was causing him considerable stress. What he needed was to learn the  stress management tips in order to let go of his anger..

The stress management techniques are:

• Write down your feelings. Direct your anger and frustration to paper instead of to other people.
• Learn how to meditate. Meditation takes your thoughts away from the incessant internal chatting and focuses them onto something more peaceful like a candle flame, a gentle sound or your breathing.
• If you are unable to let go of negative feelings go to a cognitive behaviour therapist who will show you strategies that work.
• Get a sense of proportion. Is it really appropriate to get angry over a parking space, or someone else’s bad driving?
• Develop mindfulness - the process of observing your own thoughts and feelings as if you are a detached observer
• Take a brisk walk

Here is an exercise that you can use to let go:

• Sit down with your legs extended and cross your feet, so your outside ankle is touching the inside ankle of your other foot.
• Sitting up straight, cross your right wrist over your left so you make a V shape with your hands.  Now, bend both hands down until your fingers on each hand touch - let your fingers mesh between each other and clasp your hands together.
• Now pivot your interlocked hands toward your body and bring both arms closer to your chest until your still-interlocked hands touch your chest just under your chin.
• Next, focus your mind on exactly what it was that frustrated you, aggrevated you, caused fear or sadness and lock your mind into exactly that feeling.
• Keep this up for 3-4 minutes, your mind should eventually go blank.

More stress relief tips can be found in my book “How to Manage Stress”

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• Tracy Gaudet: on Yoga and Stress-Reduction (health.usnews.com)

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Can I choose self improvement? The answer may seem obvious.

“Of course I can choose to improve my self.” You say.

Here’s a Sufi story:

A young mouse fell dearly in love with an elephant. The elephant and the mouse soon sought permission to marry. Their respective parents, their entire families and friends warned against the marriage. The council and warnings fell on deaf ears as the mouse and the elephant decided to go ahead and marry anyway. On their wedding night the elephant suddenly died.  The mouse started digging a grave for its partner.

The moral of the story—the mouse thought the decision was one thing when in fact it was the decision to spend the rest of its life digging a hole.

Most choices seem simple. Should I do:

• A
• B
• or C?

What may not occur to you is that there may be choices other than A, B or C. There could be  D, E and then up to the end of the alphabet!

So ask yourself the question. Can I choose self improvement?

What are the other  choices available to you other than a simple ‘Yes I choose self improvement’?

• I am content with where I am
• I will first find out what the self is in order to see if it needs improving
• I am stuck with where I am which means that I cannot improve
• Instead of improving I will simply let go of all my beliefs and see what emerges
• Life is an illusion so there is no point in changing the self which is part of this illusion

What is happening here is that you are not just relying on your first assumption - that is the assumption that you must choose self improvement. You are going into the question much deeper and seeing other choices other than a simple yes or no.

What other assumptions do you make about your life?  What things do you tell yourself based on these assumptions?

• Look out for number one.
• My life is worse than yours
• I have the only right way
• Money is the root of all evil.
• Charity begins at home.
• Life is not fair.
• If it’s not broke don’t fix it.
• I’m unlucky
• I’m undeserving and un-worthy
• If a job’s worth doing it’s worth doing well

Questioning your assumptions may open a whole army of choices available to you and you may find yourself going far beyond what you previously thought possible for yourself.

More about assumptions.

Summary:

Can you choose self-improvement is a simple question, yet examining the question deeply reveals a lot.

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• Aroused elephant tops list of bizarre holiday grievances (telegraph.co.uk)

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